How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder During Thanksgiving
The holidays are often painted as a time of warmth, gratitude, and togetherness, but for those struggling with an eating disorder (ED), Thanksgiving can feel like a minefield of food stress, comments, and expectations.
If someone you love is in recovery (or actively struggling), your support can make a meaningful difference, not by trying to “fix” them, but by simply being there with sensitivity and understanding.
Here’s how you can show up with love, not pressure, this Thanksgiving:
1. Don’t Make It About the Food
Yes, Thanksgiving is centered around a meal. But for someone with an ED, mealtime can be incredibly anxiety-inducing. Instead of commenting on what they are or aren’t eating, try focusing on connection. Ask about something they love, books, shows, a funny story from childhood. Bring the attention to togetherness, not plates.
Avoid:
“You’re eating so well!”
“Are you going to finish that?”
“You should treat yourself today!”
“Just one bite won’t hurt.”
Try instead:
“I’m so happy to see you.”
“What’s something that made you smile this week?”
2. Check In: Before, During, and After
If your loved one is open to it, reach out before the holiday to ask what would help them feel supported. They might want an ally at the table, a signal if they need a break, or a heads-up about what food will be served. These small conversations can help reduce overwhelm.
During the day, keep an eye on how they’re doing, but don’t hover. Subtle, compassionate presence goes a long way. And after the holiday, a simple “Thinking of you! How are you feeling today?” can mean the world.
3. Set the Tone Around Body Talk
Holidays are, unfortunately, prime time for body and diet commentary. If you notice family members slipping into weight talk, “earning your food” jokes, or post-meal guilt spirals, you can gently redirect or change the subject.
You might say:
“Let’s keep the focus on the memories, not the macros.”
“We’re here to enjoy each other, not judge our bodies.”
Sometimes, modeling a neutral or compassionate tone can shift the energy without needing to confront anyone directly.
4. Be Mindful of Pressure or “Tradition”
If your loved one is skipping a dish, sitting out of a group activity, or needing a break, trust that they’re doing what they need to stay grounded. Encouraging flexibility and autonomy helps reduce shame.
Even well-meaning statements like “But it’s Grandma’s recipe, you have to try it!” can feel like pressure. Instead, you might offer a no-strings-attached option: “There’s plenty if you want some, but no pressure at all.”
5. Remember: You Don’t Need to Be Their Therapist
Support doesn’t mean solving. It means being safe for your loved one to be real, messy, and human. You can be present, validate their experience, and offer kindness without needing to know all the right words.
If you’re unsure what to say, you can try:
“I know today might be hard. I’m really proud of you for showing up.”
“I love you, and I’m here for whatever you need today.”
A Gentle Reminder for You, Too:
If you’re supporting someone through an eating disorder, it’s okay for this to feel tender and complex. You don’t have to be perfect. Your effort to understand, to be mindful, and to show up with love is already powerful.
This Thanksgiving, let’s widen the definition of gratitude. Let’s be thankful for connection, for quiet strength, for the courage to show up when it’s hard and for the people who make us feel safe, seen, and loved exactly as we are.
